Confession

I LOVE fucking with you people that are such assholes that you wont let a faster car use your lane to pass. I see you all the time. You'll be one of the two cars with pole position at a light, and when we take off, you'll keep pace with the other guy because you saw me going fast earlier. You seem to have this inadequacy complex that makes you angry when faster people pass you. I really don't understand it. Whenever I feel like driving slow, I make double sure that I'm not holding up people that are driving with purpose. But you? You feel the need to enforce some kind of childish rule about being first. What you fail to understand, is that I'm not trying to beat you, I'm just going wherever the fuck I'm going. Stop taking it personally!

So the way I deal with you fuckheads is to pretend that I don't really want to pass you. We all take off at the light, but if I ride the ass of the guy in front of me, you'll be a dick and keep me boxed in. So what I do is take off and kinda ride the ass for a couple of seconds, but only to the top of whatever gear the road allows. I leave it in that gear, and let my truck decelerate, and play with my stereo or something. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see you notice that I've submitted to your lane superiority, and watch you do that head-bobbing, relax-into-the-seat bullshit, like you think you've got me sufficiently boxed in. Unfortunately, you're stupid. Just like every other sheep on the road, you'll let your car slow down at the same speed as mine, as long as my nose is further back than yours, but you fail to notice that you've just opened enough space for me to pass. Then it happens... I'm in a low gear, and you're a douche, so I hit the gas and overtake you in less than a second.

You stupid geek. Why are you trying to hold me back, anyway? What do you care? I'm just going to where I'm going. I'm not going 30 over the limit, I just want to fuckin go. Your feeble attempts at making me drive under the speed limit only give me opportunity to polish my douche overtaking skills.

Think about that. Asshole.

Rant

When I rant, it's hard to remember that most people don't drive as much as I do. I've been told to relax, but that's from shitheads that only drive to and from work. My work requires me to be out and about (driving) all day. Whenever I'm stuck behind some slowpoke fuckass, it costs me a minute or two. By the end of the day, it's a few minutes. By the end of the week, it's almost an hour. Go ahead and tell me to chill out, but I don't walk into your office and fuck your productivity by doing some annoying thing like hiding your stapler, do I? If someone did that, it'd take you a minute or two to find each time, si? Kinda annoying? If it happened a few times a day, do you think you'd get pretty fucking pissed off after awhile? How many minutes would it add up to if someone did this to you a few times a day? How long would it be before looking for your stapler would make you want to kill the way your shitty driving makes me want to kill?

I'm not really asking for much, I just wish that you fuckers would stop doing some really annoying things such as keeping pace with the vehicle beside you. Just back off, or pass, and let the rest of us by. Yes, I'm speeding. I know I'm breaking the law. But FFS, I'm not spaced out on the goddamn phone like you are, I'm fuckin driving to my next site with purpose. Just let me through. Don't get offended, don't hold me up. Just let me pass.

And seriously... What's with these goofs that try to enforce the speed limit? It's a clear skied day, I'm going 95 on 80kph Crowchild, and you need to cut me off to regulate my speed? Why do you care? How about you worry about you, and I worry about me? You're going the limit because it's good and safe. I'm going a bit faster because I drive this stretch 6 times a day, and I'm fully alert (ie, not on the fucking phone, like you). Sorry to pull the "I'm a better driver" card, but honestly, you buttheads act surprised when I pull up behind you. WTF? You haven't been looking in your rearview? Yeah, thought so.

I've never, ever been pulled over for going 10 or 15 over the limit on a clear, empty road (except in Winnipeg). Cops have discretion about things like this, and they know it's not dangerous to go a bit over the limit when the road is clear. What's hazardous is YOU hitting your damn brakes every 3 seconds because you're scared that a cop is going to ticket you for going 84 in an 80. You fuckin loser. You're the same person that hits the brakes when you see a cop passing in the other direction on Deerfoot, eh? Yeah, like he's gonna jump over the divider and chase you down and give you a ticket for going 101. Fuck, you people are stupid.

Sifton Blvd & Elbow Dr

Again tonight. I'm heading east on Sifton and wanting to turn south on Elbow, and the struggler in front of me stops! and then looks left, even though the NB Elbow traffic had a green arrow, and there was a stream of cars turning. Are you seriously this stupid? Fricken GO! This is the clearest intersection in Calgary. You can see that there's no pedestrians, you can see that the SB traffic is blocked by the traffic turning west. Why do you need to stop for 5 seconds and then look left? Why can't you look left as you approach the light and therefore get through quicker, and therefore leave time for a bunch more people behind you to get through? Why must you STOP! and then look left? Why doesn't that stream of turning traffic tip you off that you're clear to go?

Fuck!

Why is this not logical to people? I can handle it from a blue hair, but when it's some ditzy chick in her dad's beemer, I just rage.

Get Off My Damn Lawn!!

I should probably post on my own blog, but this one's new and shiny. -Perry

The gas station jokes make me laugh because my first job was at a gas station. I remember this old fucker pulling up to the pump and reaming me out because the price was 46.9 instead of 44.9... "You guys with your prices, blah blah blah"... Like I set the price, you old bastard. Now it's 15 years later and I've seen prices double and triple.

Anyway, I just came to rant (again) about the pants below the ass. FFS, I saw a kid waddling today. Waddling because his stupid fuckin pants were BELOW his ass. Seriously! WTF? Honestly, it has to be more annoying than it is cool. Just try to imagine wearing your pants below your ass. How the fuck do you walk (or God forbid - run) properly?

Wow. I'm only 31 and I want to smack the stupid out of kids. Back when I was stupid, I figured I'd be at least 40 before I hated kids.

This morning I did the greatest thing ever...

I was driving south on Crowchild, and as I passed under 17th ave, some fucking kids up on the overpass spit on my truck. I went up around the corner and exited onto 17th, came down the hill, flipped a Uey by the hospital and came screaming backk up the street and screeched stopped beside them. They all stared at me as I hawked up a loogie and launched it at them through my passenger window, and then took off. Goddamn kids. Only shitty thing about this incident is that the kid managed to hit my windshield smack dab in the middle, but when I spit, it kinda sprayed, so it wasn't the ideal greener to the face. Oh well. I think they got the point. Little fuckers were pretty stunned.

Wanna hear something funny about 11th and 11th SW? Hehehe...

PerryPie totally totally muscling in here. Until 4x4 changes his password, I have the run of the place. Whoo! Anyway, another post from 4x4.

I was going WB on 11th Ave, stopped at the light. Just as it turned green, a rollerblader came burning up the west sidewalk of SB 11 st, heading north, and figured he could beat all the traffic, cross the road, and jump up on the curb safely. He was going so fast, that he indeed beat the traffic, but he did not get up on the curb safely. A no parking sign took care of that. See my illustration:



Please click image for full blown awesome.

People Who Think They Own the Dominant Merge Lane

Fuck you. You wont keep me out. Not the way you did yesterday at 3:55pm May 19, 2009, to that city truck. Yes you, bitch in the green civic.

Anyone who is familiar with the SW (Richmond Road) area of the city, knows that EB Richmond Road immediately merges it's two lanes into one, after the lights at 37th Street. Most of the timid losers in this city will pile up in the left lane, because it's the dominant lane after the light. And for some reason, they get all pissed off that anyone dares to use the right lane, and will ride the ass of the guy in front to make sure that no right laner gets in front of them. Idiots.
Y'know why these people are pissed, right? Because they figure that they already waited for two light cycles, because they lined up in the left lane two blocks back, and the people in the right lane didn't have to wait at all. If those shitheads would use both lanes, and then merged properly after the light, nobody would get "ahead" of anyone. But that concept is much too hard to grasp for the average Calgarian. Noooo. If a lane cuts out 17 km away, they need to start piling into the other lane IMMEDIATELY!! OMFG! THE LANE WILL END! QUICK! CHANGE LANES!! NOWWW!!!!

Fucktards.